Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
