I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
