Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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