I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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