I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
