Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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