I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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