some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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