Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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