So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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