I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
