Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
