i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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