so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
