It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
