worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
