Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
