I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
