new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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