summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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