The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I understand Curling. That high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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