somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
