I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
These tits shall not be calmed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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