god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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