remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
