Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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