Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
