so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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