Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
