Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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