he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
