her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
