I just cut my nipple shaving
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
