I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just had sex bonerless
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
