I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
