If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
