pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
