I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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