I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
