I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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