Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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