I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
