When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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