The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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