what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
