pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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