just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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