i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
