The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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