oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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