im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
