I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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