The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
