Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
