if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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