Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
