why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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