Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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